Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don knotts.
"Wanted for armed robbery."
Mmm.
Get younger every year, don't they?
Yeah.
Andy, what are you doing?
I'm just gonna post this
on the bulletin board if I can find a place.
Well, I'll handle that.
It's no trouble. I can get it.
You put me in charge of the bulletin board.
When you put somebody in charge of something
you ought to let them handle it.
Okay.
Put it over there on the desk
and when I finish cleaning up
I'll post it.
Oh, all right.
What's that doing up there?
That's a desperate criminal, Andy.
He's only wanted in seven states.
He was picked up over two weeks ago.
Are you sure about that?
Sure I'm sure.
It was on the TV.
I heard it on the radio.
Oh, well, if you're gonna go by just that...
Me, I like to wait for the official verification.
That's official enough.
When a criminal's been caught
there's no point in keeping his picture on the board.
Just the same, I'd like to wait for the official verification.
Okay.
I always wait for the official verification.
Put me in charge of the bulletin board
and my procedure's always been to leave the poster up
until I get the official verification.
Hasn't that been my procedure?
Yeah. That's-that's been your procedure.
Then we'll wait for the official verification.
Okay, but official verification'll come
in the afternoon mail.
All right, then. When the afternoon mail comes
I'll open the envelope
take out the official verification
and remove the poster at that time.
Good.
Do you want me to take it down now?!
All right. I'll take it down!
Don't have to blow your stack.
I'm not blowing my stack, Barney.
Yeah. I know you, Andy.
Hi, Barney.
Hi, ope.
Paw, what's the matter with Barney?
Oh, he's just a little excited.
It's nothing.
Sure seems like something.
He's sweeping clear on down the street.
That's good.
If he sweeps as far as the drug store
maybe he'll get a bottle of pop
and cool off.
All ready for school, are you?
Yeah.
Well, do a good day's work
and act like somebody.
I'll see you.
Bye.
I see that stop sign's still hanging loose.
You didn't, uh, didn't get a chance to fix that?
No. I'm waiting for the work order
from the county.
You don't have to have a work order
to hammer in a little nail.
Just the same, if you don't mind
I'd like to wait for the work order.
Well, maybe the work order will come in the afternoon mail
along with
the official verification.
Looks like we got some company.
Just pull up as close as you can there in back.
Whoop. A little too close.
Now you don't like the way I drive.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
You've been picking on me.
Barney...
You don't like the way I run the bulletin board.
I don't get the signs fixed fast enough for you.
Now it's my driving.
Just pick, pick, pick.
Sheriff Taylor?
Yes, sir.
I'm Bob Rogers
state attorney's office.
Well, howdy do.
Shake hands with my deputy Barney Fife.
State attorney's office, huh?
That'll be my old friend Ralph baker.
That's right.
He sent me down here.
This letter will explain why.
Let's see here.
Hmm.
Well, this is unusual.
State attorney's office sending me a deputy.
No strings attached?
None. It's a plan to give us lawyers
practical experience in law enforcement.
Mr. Baker feels I'd learn quite a bit working under you.
So far, my knowledge comes from books.
I never discount book learning
but we will do what we can
to show you day-in and day-out law enforcement
here in mayberry.
It'll be real nice
having an extra hand on the force
won't it, Barney?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't understand it, I just don't understand it!
Can you imagine him going out
and getting a replacement for me?
Aw, honey, couldn't it be a coincidence,
that everything is just the way Andy says it is?
Maybe this man really is from the state attorney's office.
No, no, no, no.
No, yesterday he's picking at me, not liking anything I do,
and today a new deputy shows up.
Aw, Barney.
Look, Thelma, you know as well as I do
this is not a two-deputy town.
No, the skids are greased for yours truly.
I'm on my way out.
How can you be so sure?
A wink's as good as a nod to a blind mule.
He's dumping me for sure.
I still can't believe
Andy would do a thing like that.
Well, then, why is he grooming a replacement?
He's taking a green kid, a rookie
and expecting me to teach him, to give him the benefit
of my years of knowledge and experience in police work.
Well, if he thinks...
Wait a minute.
What
who says Barney Fife has to turn his job over like this?
Train this kid to be my replacement, will I?
Not on your tintype, sister.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna hold back.
He's gonna have to swim alone.
And before long, you know what's gonna happen?
He's gonna sink.
Morning, deputy.
Oh, hi there, kid.
Well, studying
the old bulletin board, are you?
Yep.
She's a lot more complicated
than she looks.
I guess you'd like to figure out
how we post these things, huh?
Checks and balances we use
to make sure there's no slip-ups.
Well, I'm sorry, kid
I just ain't got the time to fill you in right now.
So darned rushed.
Tell you what, though
just try me a little later on
and I'll see what I can do for you.
Don't count on anything, though.
I'm so darned rushed.
Oh, that's okay.
I think I have it figured out.
You do?
Yeah. I found a system outlined in the book.
In the book?
Yeah, a law officer's manual.
Oh, it's a fine book.
Covers everything
but I don't have to tell you.
I'll bet you know it from cover to cover.
Oh, sure, naturally... Cover to cover.
"A simple and efficient method
"for keeping your bulletin board up to date
"is to make a daily check
"for arrests and incarcerations
"against bulletins already posted
thereby avoiding lap-over of outdated information."
Hey.
That sounds like a pretty good system.
Let me see that.
We sure could have used this the other day
when Barney left up
that old poster.
Yeah. It's a good system, ain't it, Barney?
Oh, I don't know.
I ain't got the time to stand around here
and discuss trivial trivialities.
I'm so rushed.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just poking around here,
trying to familiarize myself with the equipment.
That's pretty delicate stuff to be handled by
somebody that's inexperienced.
Slide over, there.
I'll check you out on it.
Okay, thanks.
Now, this is a two-way radio.
I'll give you a technical explanation how it works.
Now, you talk in here...
And you listen in here.
And that's the explanation.
Well, thanks.
That's very informative.
What's this switch here? Hey, easy.
I'd be real careful with this baby.
This is for the siren.
It's not a toy to be played with, you understand?
Right, I operate with extreme care.
Roger, but now if you do have to use it,
here's what you do.
Take your index finger, and you flip it
to the "on."
And then to turn it off,
same finger, just flip it to the "off."
Are you sure you're turning it to off?
Of course I'm sure! I've turned this
on and off a million times!
I know how to turn it off!
Then it must be stuck!
What's the matter, Barney?
Oh, this darn siren is stuck!
You better get some pliers and a wire cutter!
It's not necessary to cut the wires, deputy.
Oh, it isn't, deputy?
Well, just how would you do it, deputy?
May I borrow this?
Well, I'll be dogged. How'd you do that?
Just tapped the condenser box.
We learn something every day, don't we, Barney?
Yeah. That was good, Bob.
Hey, I meant to talk to you.
You know that warrant that you served this morning?
Yeah. Well, that went...
All right, it's all over!
Let's break it up!
What's the matter, ain't you folks
ever seen a condenser box tapped?
Sheriff, would you like to take a look
at this chart now?
Yeah. Let me see that thing.
Bring it here.
Well...
Oh, howdy, Barney.
Hello, deputy.
Howdy. There's a mess of lines here.
What do they all mean?
These are the months here...
Who's been messing up the bulletin board?
Oh, Rogers brought it up to date.
Yeah, well, what's...
What's all this stuff over here?
Well, it works like a graph.
What's that?
A statistical chart
covering the pattern of crimes in mayberry
and with this as a basis
predicting the course of law violations.
Like it?
Yeah. It's pretty.
That is real good-looking
with all the crayola work
and everything on it
but I tell you the truth
we don't go in too much for charts.
We mostly work with the people.
Yeah. This is usually a bunch of nonsense.
Don't underestimate statistics.
Sometimes their accuracy can be uncanny
especially in the field of prediction
according to past patterns.
For instance, before the month is out
I venture to say you'll have 12 traffic violations
three breaking and enterings
one wife-beating case...
"Wife beating"? No, no.
If it goes according to past patterns
it should happen.
That's a laugh, huh, Andy?
A chart predicting crimes
like it was some kind
of a crystal ball or something.
Hello. Sheriff Taylor speaking.
What?
Well, yeah. I'll- I'll-I'll get a man
right on that.
Much obliged, grace.
Well, what do you know?
Your crystal ball seems to be working.
Ed simpkins just give his wife "what for."
Well, I thought it would happen this month
but I didn't figure on this kind of timing.
I'll get right out on the case, Andy.
Uh, Barney?
This is kind of Bob's case, wouldn't you say?
Seeing as how he predicted it and all.
I think it'd be right
if he was the one that handled it.
You got the keys to the patrol car?
Thank you, deputy.
I'll take care of it right away, sheriff.
Right, Bob.
That boy's got the makings of a fine lawman, ain't he?
Yeah.
He's a regular ball of fire.
No. I'm sure of it.
This Rogers is obviously a better qualified man.
He makes a better deputy.
I'm a fifth wheel and I know it.
Why wouldn't Andy say something to you?
That's the worst of it... The waiting.
Why doesn't he say, "Barney, you're through"?
I don't care what you say
Andy's too good a friend to tell you you're through.
Sure he's a friend.
I know that, but...
Hey, that's why he hasn't said anything.
He I a friend.
He don't know how to fire me.
He can't find the words.
Well, maybe I can do something about that.
Maybe I'll just find the words for him.
Barney, what do you mean?
Well, I'll make it easy for him.
Barney Fife isn't wanted some place
Barney Fife doesn't stay.
I'll just bow out.
But, Barney, be sensible. You can't quit.
This is the way I want it.
But you can't quit the sheriffing business.
It's your whole life.
It is Barney.
It's not the new man, is it?
Well, to tell you the truth, Andy, it is.
You see, I've been thinking about this
for a long time
but, well, I didn't want to leave you short-handed.
Now that you've got yourself a good man...
Oh, but, Barney...
Look, you know that me and Thelma Lou
will be getting hitched up pretty soon.
Well, I don't want her worrying every time I leave the house.
You know how girls are about a lawman's work.
Yeah.
Well, I guess this is it then, huh, barn?
Well...
I sure thought you'd be around a whole lot longer.
I don't hardly know what to say.
I'm gonna miss you.
Well... I'm gonna miss you, too, Andy.
Well, I...
I'll, uh, I'll be seeing you around.
Well, Barney, what'll you do?
Oh, I got plenty of plans.
Don't you worry about me.
Yeah. I'm gonna take a crack at industry...
You know, get into big business.
Yeah.
Yeah. She's a big country out there, Andy.
I'm gonna take my place in it.
You'll probably be hearing about me.
You know what they say?
There's room at the top.
I'll see ya.
Oh, good morning, miss Clara.
Uh, permit me to demonstrate to you
the new miracle sweep vacuum cleaner
the very finest on the market.
I think that you will find...
What'd you do, Barney, lose a bet?
What do you mean?
Pretending you're a vacuum cleaner salesman.
That's pretty funny.
I ain't making believe, Clara.
You let me in and I'll show you I'm a salesman.
Barney, you're funny
and I'd like to play along with your little joke
but I'm awful busy right now.
See you later.
But-but, Clara...
And after years of research and testing
under scientific conditions
the new miracle sweep
has prove to be beyond all doubt
the number one vacuum cleaner in America today.
Any questions?
Yes.
How come you're not in your deputy uniform?
Because I'm not a deputy.
Emma, I explained all that.
I'm a vacuum cleaner salesman.
You look better in a uniform.
I always liked you...
Even if you did arrest me that time for jaywalking...
But you should wear your uniform.
Emma, will you listen to me?
I'm not supposed to wear my uniform
because I'm not a deputy.
Not a deputy?
No.
Well, if you're not a deputy
you certainly had a lot of nerve arresting me for jaywalking.
Hi there, Andy.
Well, hi, barn.
How's everything?
Fine, fine.
Good.
Selling business all right, is it?
Oh, it couldn't be better.
Good.
How's the sheriffing business?
Oh, about like usual.
Just about like usual.
About like usual, huh?
Yeah.
I sure could use you back on the force
if you're ready to give up this nonsense.
What, give up my career
just when things are going great?
Boy, oh, boy, wouldn't that be a fool thing to do?
No. I couldn't afford to give up this income, Andy.
Boy, you really must be moving them things.
Let's see who you're selling them to.
This thing's full of empty pages.
Well... well, sure.
That there's my second book, Andy.
I filled the first book up already
and I just started on that one.
Is that right?
You'll be a wealthy man pretty soon, won't you?
Yeah, yeah.
Things is going pretty good down at the office then, huh?
Oh, fine.
Good, good.
How's, uh...?
Rogers?
Rogers. Yeah. How's he working out?
Fine.
Good.
Barney, why don't you come back on the force?
Well, look, Andy, I really got to be going
because I got a lot of these live prospects
waiting for me, you know.
I'll see ya.
Okay. I'll see ya.
All right.
I'm surprised at you, Andy...
Believing that Barney wanted to be a salesman.
Well, he convinced me.
I wanna tell you the truth.
That boy weighs about a hundred pounds
and I would swear that 50 of it's proud.
Well, I would've come and told you all about it
but Barney made me promise not to.
Mmm. Proud, proud, proud, proud, proud, proud.
What are you gonna do, Andy?
Well... I'll have to get him back on the force.
Yes.
I... I don't know how
but I reckon I'll just have to think of something
won't I?
Sheriff...
Yeah.
Sure wrote up a book full of citations today.
Good.
By the way, sheriff
I just saw Fife peddling his vacuum cleaners.
Yeah?
Well, I meant to ask you...
Did Fife get his license from you?
What license?
The license to sell from door-to-door...
You know, the green river ordinance.
No.
Well, sheriff, it's a misdemeanor.
I mean, if you want to overlook it
since Fife's a friend of yours...
Oh, oh. The green river ordinance.
Oh, no.
We can't let people go around
violating the green river ordinance.
No, sir.
You better go pick Fife up on that.
Right.
That ought to do it.
The green river what?
The green river ordinance.
It requires a license
to peddle door-to-door.
I'm not surprised at this, sheriff Taylor.
I knew from studying that chart
that there hasn't been an offense of this nature
in mayberry in the past ten years.
Now, it just doesn't figure
that in that time
there shouldn't be a few violations.
Well, I guess we just haven't been that strict
with the enforcement.
Well, that throws your whole crime picture out of kilter.
It does?
Certainly. Why, just look at your chart here.
Code 304 never enforced.
Never. Nothing there.
You've got to have at least one representative case
to balance out your law enforcement picture
in mayberry, or without it
you've got yourself a very unbalanced chart.
Well, now I've heard everything.
So that's all I am, huh?
Just a figure on a chart.
You completely ignore the fact
that I'm a human being.
Now, Barney...
No, it's true, Andy.
And you want to know something?
I don't think you're fit to be a deputy.
You're so wrapped up in your books and your charts
that you're ignorant about people.
You wanna know something else?
I ain't gonna stand by and see this happen.
Andy, I withdraw my retirement.
I wanna be restored to the force.
I'm gonna fight for my job
because I think
that I'm a whole lot more qualified than...
What's that?
Your uniform.
Thanks, Andy.
You won't regret this.
And you better gird your loins, buster
'cause you got a fight on your hands.
Feisty little fella, isn't he?
Yeah.
He's right, you know.
Yeah. I expect he is.
Apparently, there's a little more to sheriffing
than books and charts.
Yeah.
Hey, hey, you know
I never heard of the green river ordinance.
What is that?
Well, in 1924, in a little town called green river
there was this...
Thank you for everything, sheriff.
It's been a pleasure meeting you
and working with you.
Any time we can be of help
to the state attorney's office
you let us know.
Hey, what are you doing?
Writing out a citation for illegal parking.
This space is for police parking only.
I'm a deputy.
Not anymore you ain't.
Not since you turned in your badge.
But I just parked...
It's just a technicality.
You'll find it in your manual.
Well, all right.
I was just trying to teach you a little lesson, son.
Don't never try to get too technical
not when you're dealing with people.
Savvy?
Roger.
Well, we'll see you, Bob.
Be sure and say hello to Ralph for us.
I sure will.
And tell him if he ever gets down this way
I'll take him frog-giggin'.
One day all the pieces will fall together
and you'll see the big picture.
We'll see ya.